Shouldn’t it really be called Garrett’s birth story? He’s the one who was born, not me, hmm… 
Now, there are obviously more perspectives than mine. I was in a whole different world than anyone else. I was not aware of the passage of time and have a hard time remembering the details. My body was doing what it needed to do, so I was able to rest pretty well between contractions and I wasn’t too worried when complications came up. My husband Matt, my sister and my parents were so much more aware of what was going on and Matt especially was so focused on my needs as I was laboring, so I doubt he got as much rest as I did. He was such an amazing and supportive coach. My sister also acted almost like my personal nurse and she was amazing as well. This story is a combination of what I remember of the experience and what I’ve been told happened.

It was 3am on Thursday, May 7th and a popping sound/feeling woke me up. I got up to use the bathroom and my water broke. I told Matt, “I think my water just broke.” And he said, “For real?” We called our midwife, who told me to come in to the Birth Center later that morning. After seeing her at about 9 am, we started pumping, walking, and resting to try to get contractions started. We walked through Cope Park, up the stairs, down Main Street, all in a light drizzle. It was really peaceful! By 5pm I was in more active labor, although not particularly regular contractions. Most contractions were about 5 minutes apart and 1 minute long, but not consistently. We decided it was time to head to the birth center. I couldn’t wait to get in the tub! My midwife checked me and I was about 4 cm dilated. Right away she ran the water in the tub for me and I got in. I was able to float and move so freely, it was very relaxing, but soon I got too warm. Throughout the rest of the night I stood and swayed with my husband, sat on the birthing stool a bit, and then finally lay down to try and rest between contractions. My husband was with me the whole time. I remember needing him to hold my hand through each contraction. Because it was the middle of the summer it was funny to look out the window and not be at all sure of the time, I didn’t know if it was late at night or early morning. The passage of time was surreal. As things progressed I was breathing through each contraction pretty well and was feeling pretty confident and optimistic. By 10 pm I was fully dilated and mentally ready to start pushing but still didn’t feel the physical urge. My midwife called in the second midwife, and my husband recognized this as the transition phase and told me, “You’re almost there, pretty soon you’ll be pushing!” For the next several hours I kept waiting for the urge to push, but it never came. Everyone around me kept telling me I was almost there. Finally I said, “You’ve been saying that for hours, and I just don’t feel like I’m almost there.” Sure enough as my midwife continued to check my progress, my son just wasn’t moving down and by early morning on May 8th I was bleeding a little. I remember I had been asking about the blood, wondering if it was a normal amount. They were concerned about my placenta tearing away and the fact that my membranes had been ruptured for about 24 hours at this point. At 6am we decided it was time to go up to Bartlett Hospital. I remember feeling concerned about the drive up, because I didn’t want to sit down during contractions. I had been lying flat and standing mostly. We drove up in our own cars since it wasn’t really an emergency.
 When we got to the OB unit they were running around trying to clean up a room for us, it was a busy day in OB! One nurse tried to get me to sit in a wheel chair but I really didn’t want to sit down. When we were put in a room the nurse started an IV block for Pitocin and fluids. I proceeded to throw up all over her, poor thing! Contractions got stronger and longer, some were even 8 minutes long and very strong, and still my baby was not descending. The doctor recommended a c-section but also gave me the option to increase the Pitocin and start an Epidural so that I could rest and get back some energy so I could push later in case my baby did descend. Even though our plan had been for a completely natural and un-medicated birth, I wanted to try anything before doing a c-section, so that is what we did. After 3 tries to get the epidural in, it finally worked and I started to feel pretty good and was able to rest through even the strengthened contractions. I could still feel the tightening of the contractions and thought that if my baby descended I’d feel the urge to push. I still felt optimistic for a vaginal birth. Hours later though, the doctor checked me again, and my baby had not come down and now there really was no other option. She also warned me that since another surgery was scheduled they wouldn’t be able to do an emergency c-section if it came to that. So even though my baby was doing fine according to the monitors they had me connected to, we decided to go ahead with the c-section. It had been about 38 hours since my water had broken, 24 hours of active labor, 19 hours of being completely dilated, and 12 hours since I’d been transferred to the hospital. I’d always felt strong and optimistic that I’d be able to do this naturally like it was my most important job. Even still I feel let down and disappointed in myself that I wasn’t able to do it without interventions and I feel like I missed out on a rite of passage into motherhood. I felt terrible that I hadn’t been able to deliver naturally and scared of the surgery, disappointed that I might not be able to deliver vaginally next time, and relieved that we’d finally get to meet our baby. My son, Garrett Parker McGuan, was born at 6:21 on May 8th, 2009! Its kind of weird to say he was born, feels more like he was extracted. I didn’t cry like I thought I would, I was so out of it. Sometimes it feels more like someone else gave birth to him. After the surgery I was able to kiss him and touch his cheek to mine. My husband made sure they brought him to me within 30 minutes. They put him on my chest and we tried to nurse. Luckily we were able to bond and nurse really well. We stayed in the hospital for 3 days. It took a lot of prodding to get me out of bed. I didn’t want to walk down the hall and see other women who had delivered naturally, I was afraid to poop, laugh or cough because of the pain, I just stayed in my room and snuggled my son. On the other hand, the birth experience brought my husband and me closer than ever, emotionally. During the labor we were so connected and so in love, and, despite the disappointing circumstances of his birth, my son, who is now almost 3 years old is the best thing that ever happened to us. We love him so much.

“During the labor we were so connected and so in love, and, despite the disappointing circumstances of his birth, my son, who is now almost 3 years old is the best thing that ever happened to us.”

For a long time I talked about my experience, cried about it and wondered WHY? I wanted an answer and everyone had different ideas. Eventually I stopped asking, because I figured it didn’t really matter. It was my experience and we couldn’t go back and change it anyway. I started to look forward. I found ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network), I got pregnant again and started planning for a VBAC. That is another story for another time…